dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
we're so committed to being not committed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
