just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
