I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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