I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
