Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
