I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
