I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize