Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
