Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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