I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
