So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
