just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
