capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it hurts more in the daytime
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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