Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
