The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
