The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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