Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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