Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
how does that bad decision feel?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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