when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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