I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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