the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
