i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
