I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
