So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
