careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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