sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
