just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
