And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
