my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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