u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
