Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
