My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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