How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Houston, we have a blender
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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