I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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