Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
