I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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