Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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