The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Randomize
