Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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