At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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