i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize