Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
