Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
