You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
