i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
