I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize