I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
