I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
