Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
