just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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