Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They are going to name an STD after you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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