Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
FUCK WHALES
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
