I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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