Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
