My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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