No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
