i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize