This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
