I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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