he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
