She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
