You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
