I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
