You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
