I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
